HELPING SOMEONE WHO IS SUICIDAL

Suicidality (or being suicidal) is described as “thoughts about self-harm, with deliberate consideration or planning of possible techniques of causing one’s own death.”

If you’re unsure if someone is thinking of ending his/her life, ask.

Please do not feel embarrassed to ask OR be concerned that you will embarrass the other person. Expressing your concern that someone may be planning to die by suicide is one of the most compassionate acts you will ever take.

Asking “Do you want to hurt yourself/end your life?” “Are you thinking about suicide?” “Do you have a plan?” will NOT make a person more likely to hurt him/herself.

The tools described below may help you save someone’s life.

For more ideas about how to listen and talk to someone in crisis, see Reaching Out And Offering Help.

HELPING SOMEONE WHO IS SUICIDAL

Suicidality (or being suicidal) is described as “thoughts about self-harm, with deliberate consideration or planning of possible techniques of causing one’s own death.”

If you’re unsure if someone is thinking of ending his/her life, ask.

Please do not feel embarrassed to ask OR be concerned that you will embarrass the other person. Expressing your concern that someone may be planning to die by suicide is one of the most compassionate acts you will ever take.

Asking “Do you want to hurt yourself/end your life?” “Are you thinking about suicide?” “Do you have a plan?” will NOT make a person more likely to hurt him/herself.

The tools described below may help you save someone’s life.

For more ideas about how to listen and talk to someone in crisis, see Reaching Out And Offering Help.

Signs of suicide at different life stages can be found here: Recognizing Signs Across The Lifespan. Additional information about helping is here: Reaching Out And Offering Help.

HELPING IN AN EMERGENCY

Suicidality IS AN EMERGENCY IF:

a person is expressing things like:

  • I have no reason to live.
  • I am in unbearable pain.
  • I don’t want to live anymore.
  • I want to die.
  • Rage or a desire to seek revenge

is making threats like:

  • You won’t see me again.
  • I’m going to hurt myself/someone.
  • I’m going to kill myself.
  • God wants me to kill myself.

OR is describing a plan such as:

  • I could jump off the roof of the building.
  • I’m looking for a way to hurt myself.
  • I am going to buy / I bought a gun.
  • I’ve saved up pills.

If you see these signs, call the police and say you have a mental health emergency, call a mental health professional who can take your call now, or take the person to the ER.

If in the US, you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Also, HERE are suicide and crisis hotlines around the world.

IF YOU BELIEVE SOMEONE IS AT IMMINENT RISK FOR SUICIDE DO NOT:

  • LEAVE HIM/HER ALONE.
  • MAKE LETHAL MEANS AVAILABLE! Though this may seem obvious, someone I loved went to a friend’s house and said he wanted to die by suicide. His friend did NOT remove the loaded guns from his home, including the one he kept under his pillow, which my nephew used to take his life.
    • Remove guns
    • Remove all medications including TYLENOL, which can cause irreversible lethal liver damage even if the person initially survives an overdose
    • Remove knives, razer blades, plastic bags
  • ACCEPT “PROMISES” THAT HE/SHE WILL NOT HURT THEMSELF. My nephew also made that promise to his friend.

EYES

Look for signs that may mean someone is feeling suicidal.

  • Repeatedly saying I don’t fit in anywhere; I don’t belong; I have no friends; nobody understands me
  • Feeling isolated
  • Feeling like a burden to others
  • Newly sleeping too much or too little
  • Displaying extreme mood swings
  • Seeing or hearing things that are not real
  • Believing things that are irrational, impossible, untrue
  • Extreme withdrawing or isolating
  • Increasing use of drugs or alcohol
  • Acting highly anxious or agitated
  • Behaving recklessly
  • Feeling trapped
  • Repeatedly talking about it being better to be dead, that others would be better off if they were dead
  • Giving possessions away
  • Sustained hopelessness about the future
  • Talking about having no reason to live

ASK direct questions to help determine if someone is suicidal (adapted from May Clinic)

  • Are you feeling hopeless?
  • Are you thinking about dying?
  • Are you thinking about hurting yourself?
  • Are you thinking about suicide?
  • Have you ever thought about suicide before, or tried to hurt yourself before?
  • Are you feeling like giving up?
  • Have you thought about how or when you’d do it?
  • Have you been drinking or using any drugs?
    • Drinking and using drugs can make problems, sadness, and hopelessness feel even worse AND lower inhibitions. This can be a deadly combination. If someone has been drinking or using drugs and is talking about suicide take them very seriously. If you think there is a chance he/she has overdosed, immediately call emergency services like 911.
  • Do you have access to weapons or other means that can be used to hurt yourself?

Asking questions will not increase the risk that someone might take action. If fact, talking about feelings of despair may offer relief. Also, learning that someone is at the end of their rope gives you the opportunity to act.

EARS

LISTEN NONJUDGMENTALLY

  • Listen to learn. The more information the person shares, the more informed your response will be. If you are judgmental or dismissive, you will lose this precious opportunity.
  • Listening helps de-escalate the situation and open up a conversation.
  • See how to listen effectively in REACHING OUT AND RESPONDING.

HEART

OFFER COMPASSION, REASSURANCE, AND HOPE

  • “I can see that you are in a lot of pain.”
  • “You are important to me and many other people.”
  • “We want you to live.”
  • “I’m here to help you.”
  • “I’m not going to leave you alone.”
  • “I know things feel hopeless now, but we can get you help to make things feel better.”
  • “This is a medical problem you can get treatment for, and many people fully recover.”
  • “I see a therapist who has helped me a lot.”
  • Talk about what the person can do RIGHT NOW to feel better.
    • Let’s take a minute just to breathe.
    • Let’s call your mom/brother/husband/friend, etc.
    • Let me stay with you.
    • Let’s make a plan to get help.
  • Ask, “What are your plans for tomorrow?” This can help redirect a person’s hopeless thoughts to more pragmatic thinking about the future. Continue to provide support and help.

MIND

GIVE INFORMATION AND MAKE A PLAN

Someone who is suicidal needs to believe there are real alternatives for relief.

  • Offer to help call a crisis hotline. HERE are suicide and crisis hotlines around the world.
  • Encourage the person to call his/her therapist and tell them they are experiencing a mental health emergency, not simply calling to make an appointment.
  • Offer to take the person to the hospital if they don’t feel they will be safe.
  • Offer to stay with the person until they see a mental health professional
  • Offer to take the person to their appointment with a mental health professional.
  • Ask “Did you remember to take your meds today?” Sometimes, missing one dose or more doses of medication for mental health disorders can cause serious suffering. If they have missed a dose, encourage him/her to take the missed dose or call their medical professional about how to restart.
  • Ask, “Did you STOP taking your medication?” Suicidality can be an effect of abrupt medication withdrawal. Call a mental health professional for guidance.

Experiencing your sincere compassion and commitment to helping can provide a great deal of relief to someone at the end of his/her rope.

LISTEN TO YOUR GUT!

If someone repeatedly says or posts things online that frighten you and tries to pass it off as meaningless, have a serious conversation with him/her. If you can’t have a productive conversation, call a family member, friend, or mental health services to help you decide how to proceed.

Talk to other friends or the family and share your concerns! Often, one person will see a couple signs, but a wider group of people together has seen many signs. Sharing and getting others’ input can be the difference between life and death.

IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW FEEL(S) SUICIDAL, go to the emergency room, call a mental health professional who can talk to you NOW, or call the police and say you have a mental health crisis, not a criminal situation!

In the US, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

FIND INTERNATIONAL HOTLINES

Text HOME to The Crisis Textline at 741741. They are available 24/7 in the U.S., Canada, United Kingdom, and Ireland.

See Also: HELPING SOMEONE WHO IS SUICIDAL